I CAN DO IT! Oh wait, you mean... now???

A few keypoints to keep in mind here....

I am on academic suspension.
(If this is news to you, go check out two posts ago)
I am no longer allowed to keep my on campus job.

If the semester has already started, then the Rexburg Idaho job market is as nonexistant as the giant squid.
(by which I of course mean that it is existent...
but as impossible to find as it gets)

I am (not WAS, but AM) an art major.

My eventual goal with art (in a nutshell):
To learn a vast variety of artistic skills at school.
To teach myself even more variety of skills.
To start a small out of home business of selling my art.
Use this to benefit my family -
not just financially,
but spiritually as well.
Because for me, art is a
spiritual thing.

Thus concludes the keypoints and a nutshell.

Well... my brainstorming thoughts regarding life, family, school, work, and my own capabilites have led me to a realization that only took full form just earlier this day.
The realization?
That NOW is probably the time to get this art thing going.

(by now you may have realize that the "it" in the post title refers to art)

So... why now?

Because even though I do art in school, it is schoolwork.
And even though I know quite a bit, I need to practice. Oh BOY do I need to practice!
And even though I have people tell me that I could sell my art, I don't actually know anything about how to do that....
And because my attempts at easing my way in to this are thwarted.

They are thwarted by the simple fact that this endeavor of mine requires a really really REALLY big investment -
of time,
of effort,
of diligence,
and of willpower.

....and I mean REALLY big!

And today I am being real with myself: This is going to take as much - if not more - out of me as a full time job would.

Am I stopping the job hunt? Goodness NO! haha part of being real with myself is being real with the fact that a job would be so so very helpful at the moment.

But as I told Austin earlier, "I have the faith that some kind of employment will work out if it needs to. I will keep working hard towards it. But I am starting to realize that a full-time job may not be what this time right now is for. I am recognizing that this time right now is a gift - and it is probably the only time within the next few years where I will have this unique opportunity to fully invest myself into my art. I have known for a while that I need to do this, but if I keep treating it as a side-hobby, it's probably not going to happen. If I am going to do this, then NOW is the time."

And sssssooooooo....

ART.

Not just art, but making and SELLING art.

This will be fun.
And hard.
And crazy.
And enlightening.
And risky.
And messy.
And exciting.
And out of my comfort zone.
And a learning experience.
And very possibly, the beginning of something BIG.....

Wish me luck :)

I've got some research to do!

A Post with an Unintended Subject

Lets begin with a couple of flashbacks to the previous post:

"I know that my life needed this change, becuase already I am finding opportunities that I would have missed (more on that in further posts)."

"And for later, I hope to make a post each day. If each day I can get down even a small thought on any of the above subjects, then that will be enough."

Well... this would be said "further post," so I'll be discussing said "opportunities."
Also... I have clearly not posted something each day haha I had so many thoughts running through my mind at the time.

I wanted those thoughts to

settle down,

use their inside voices,

and line up single file from tallest to shortest.



And I thought I would be facilitating such order via blog posts.
And that one small post a day would "be enough."

Turns out ZERO posts a day was enough.



Because TURNS OUT (yet again), I have wonderful family and friends that have once again proved beyond supportive.
And my little vents here and there + ridiculously good advise + fun sisterly outings + generosity that makes me want to cry + small unexpected miracles like the grocery bill adding up to less than I had anticipated it would + goofy-but-wise emails from dad + family in town + eating more fruit (just trust me, it makes me happy) + lots and lotS and loTS and lOTS and LOTS of prayer =
I AM DOING WELL.

I left my hubby out of the above equation (in specifics, at least). That is becuase he is an equation all by himself.

Because sometimes he indulges me.
He gets me an ice cream cone.
Lets me have my lazy/emotional/hormonal/i am WAY to overwhelmed moments.
He picks out some movies for me and makes me some grape koolaid and sets up pillows and blankets on the couch for me to experience said moments.

...but then he always balances it all out with encouragement, by
encouraging me to go do something outside that day.
Reminds me that it is my week to do dishes.
Tells me when I should probably
get out of pajamas and take a shower
(lets not look into that one too much, okay? okay).
Asks me to drive him to school in the wee hours of the morning, instead of walking and letting me sleep in... because that way I am up and busy and more likely to get started on my day.

And of course, there are just the sweet little things he does that are not necessarily indulgent, but not necessarily pushing/encouraging.
They are just sweet.
Like giving me long hugs when he gets home from class.
Telling me he is so proud of me for what I've accomplished that day.
Or that hour.
Or event that minute.
Tolerating my occassional stress-induced outbursts, and smiling and saying "I forgive you" when I tell him that I am sorry.
Holding me when I wake up from a bad dream.
Reading to me a few pages from "The Hobbit" as I fall asleep every night (maybe you - reader - know me well enough to understand how giddy and loved this makes me feel!)

..................

Hmmmm... hadn't intended to post so much about Austin. But that is okay :) More than okay. Becuase random bursts of gratitude/love that need expressing are definitely more than okay.

In fact...
the intended post subject (those opportunities I keep referring to) is just going to come in another post.
Still going to write it right now.
But in a separate post.
Because I just like to categorize things.
So... this post in under the category of, "gratitude for family, friends, and hubby."
And now I am off to write the intended post under the category of, "work/art/opportunity."

You know.
You're basic categories.

Surprise! you're life is about to change drastically....

You know how sometimes there is something deep down that you know is probably true? But just don't wan't to acknowledge it?

You know how sometimes that "something deep down" is the reality that you should take a break from school and focus on other endeavors? Because your life has been pretty packed the past year or so? And you have so much on your plate that you're not really sure what to eat first? And that because of said circumstances your grades have been less than stellar and you're on the verge of being placed on academic suspension anyway?

....And you know how sometimes you get the academic policy mixed up a bit and didn't realize that an online course over the summer break counted as your last chance to bring up your grades and avoid said suspension, INSTEAD of the upcoming fall sememster? And you find out the week before school starts that you are being dropped from all of your classes and are suspended for two semesters and can therefore not keep your on campus job?

Or, wait... is that one just me?

Well, all that aside.
It happened.
And I freaked out.
But... only for about ten minutes.
Because I have the best husband in the whole wide world.

I calmed down, and came to acknowledge that truth that was deep down inside of me:
I need a break.

No, not from life. Not from responsibility. Not from education or growth. Not from working. Just... from the routine that has been the past while. Life has taken crazy twists and turns this past year. You know... engagement. Marriage. That stuff.

And EVEN THOUGH I felt like the fall was MY SEMESTER,
EVEN THOUGH I felt like the whole "bad grades" thing was out of my system,
EVEN THOUGH I thought that I would have a handle on the wife/job/student balancing act....
...that probably wasn't true.

Because even though I thought I knew what the road ahead was going to be like, I think someone upstairs could see that it was going to be different.

And this whole suspension thing that I have brought upon myself is probably the only thing that could convince my stubborn self that I needed to take a break.
(I use that word "convince" very loosely. Suspension doesn't really leave me any choice).

.................................................................

Okay.

I am having some difficulties.

I just spent half an hour trying to type an explanation of why I know that this circumstance is a good thing.

Why I know it needed to happen.

To explain my thought processes that I have had over the passed few days.

To convinced step by step that this is for the best and I am looking forward to it.

But... turns out that is a hard thing to do.
Partially because my thought processes are a little bit wild and random.
But mostly because this is what it comes down to:

I HAVE FAITH.
I know that our trials are for the best, even if we kinda mess up and bring them upon ourselves. I am happy. I know that my life needed this change, becuase already i am finding opportunities that I would have missed (more on that in further posts).

This time is HARD, but it is exciting and it is what I need to be doing.

So much I could say about so many things:
Family.
School.
Work.
Art.
Timing.
God.
Opportunity.

But I am seriously finding myself incapable at the moment to fully and adequately express my thoughts or feelings on any of the above.

And they all deserve adequate expression.

And so for now, I am leaving it at this: simply an expression that life is good and I have faith it will continue to be that way.

And for later, I hope to make a post each day. If each day I can get down even a small thought on any of the above subjects, then that will be enough.

Until then, moving forward :)