Inbox. We meet at Last.

Inbox....

He is my arch nemesis, if ever I had one.

Why?

Well - arch nemeses play on our worst weaknesses. And my email inbox plays on just about all of mine:

I have a desire to be extraordinarily
organized in all aspects of life, and
yet often find myself incapable of
accomplishing said structure....

....Inbox has effectively evaided my
organizational attempts for as long as we have
been acquanted.

I am not very good at staying in touch
with people (see previous post)....

....Inbox cleverly uses my inability to
organize Him against me by overwhelming me with
His lack of structure every time I attempt to
recover long lost conversations with intentions
of reigniting communications

Technology sometimes scares me. I like
post-it notes, notebook planners, and
G-2 brand pens....

....Inbox is scary to me in and
of his very nature.

I have difficulties with the past.

Inbox has become a partial record
of the past.

And so, needless to say, we have a long history of not getting along.



But hold on, I think I should elaborate a little bit on my difficulties with the past. It is, after all, my primary area of contention with Inbox and the reason for this post (which reason will become apparent later on... promise....)

I don't have difficulties with the past because it has been horrible.
It has actually been quite wonderful. I like it.

I have difficulties with the past because it is the past.
I have difficulties with the past because I have dwelling tendencies. I don't get over things very well...

No, not like holding grudges. I am a very forgiving and understanding person...

No no, the things that I don't get over very well are my own mistakes. They really really bug me.
Words I've said I wish I hadn't,
Words I've neglected to say that I really should have,
Gratitude not fully expressed (or even felt),
Kindness taken for granted,
Friendship taken for granted,
Experiences taken for granted....

A LOT taken for granted.

I have difficulties with the past becuase
it doesn't let me go back and fix those things.
I have difficulties with the past because
even though it isn't HERE anymore, it is always THERE.

And I don't much like that. At all.

(this post sounds rather depressing... soon to be remedied, I guarantee it!)

So, INBOX, you have succeeded in playing on these weaknesses of mine. Very cruelly, at that. I know, I know, you're just an inadament code of numbers and letters on an intangible web page. But its what you represent in my mind that rubs me the wrong way.

But NO MATTER.
Because today, I have emerged victorious.

Over the past couple days, I have spent hours (so many that I would rather not say) sifting through every. SINGLE. EMAIL.

...ever.

At times it was entertaining.
At times it was boring.
At times it was painful.
At times I felt guilty.
At times I laughed.
At times I wanted to stop....

But pushed forward, I did.
Kept hope, I did.
Used the force, I did.

(maybe not that last one)

And many hours, many downloads, many deletes, many stars and labels, and even a few tears later, I FINISHED.

Inbox, you have been tamed. You are organized. You are minimal in clutter, and maximal in efficiency.

And you know what?
I learned something:

It's not you, its me.

Yes, there were some emails that weren't my favorite. My friends and I weren't always kind to each other. There was drama. Oh BOY, was there drama! I can't say I am proud of everything I ever said or did. I wish I had spent time worrying about and doing more important things. I wish I hadn't at times been so arrogant. I wish I hadn't at times been quite so easily offended. I wish at times I could have just let things GO.

But... who doesn't?

These regrets were distracting me from all the amazing times I had. High school was crazy, to say the least. But it sure was FUN, too. Why not focus on that part of it?

And you know what else? Those friends are STILL MY FRIENDS. That should sum it all up, shouldn't it?

My own reflections + Austin's words of wisdom have helped me to realize that I can just let the past go.

Just... let it GO....

Simple as that.

Becuase even though I may not be proud of some things,

I am probably the only one that remembers those things, anyway.

So... I will let it go.
*shrugs shoulders*

And I will no longer avoid looking at good old pictures,
or listening to good old songs,
or reading good old notes,
or remembering good old times,
JUST because those good things also reminded me of the bad ones
they were mixed up with.

Because I WANT TO REMEMBER THE GOOD THINGS




























...untainted by the bad.

And as of today, I think its possible.

Now for that reason I promised was coming: I am posting about this because it is actually a pretty big deal for me,and my battle with the inbox seemed to have represented it in a slightly humorous way. And so I felt like talking about it.

I felt saying that I think I finally "get it."

And that makes me feel good inside :)